Taking the less traveled road has always been natural to me.
Being an outlaw was (is) natural to me.
So it is not surprising that nothing in my life has been done in any "traditional" fashion.
I never really thought much about it, until I started looking at why I have not had that many female friends, and very few with children of their own.
Going through all of my child-bearing years without wanting or needing a child was natural to me. It's not that natural for most women in general however, and I have always been looked upon as a bit odd, or at least different due to my feelings about having children.
I knew from childhood that I was not interested in the least in having kids. It was just there. It wasn't a question. It was completely clear. Probably how it is for most little girls who know that they want kids and can't wait to be a mom.
But I was also raised by a dad who wanted a boy and put me in that role for my formative years and beyond, and I had a very fluid dynamic to my identity early on because of this. Maybe that had something to do with my feelings of not wanting children, or to be married, because that knowledge was there too, but I'm not certain about that having any influence frankly.
I feel like I was blessed to be aligned with certain parts of my destiny in this lifetime. I've always been very intuitive and when there is a strong pull to or away from some things or people, I have listened most of the time, and the times I did not, something not so great happened. I would gently chide myself to always heed that intuitive knowing, and I would, until I ignored it again, with the same negative result.
I know I am more drawn to people that I have things in common with and I am fairly certain that its no different for other people, or women in this case, and moms are simply more prone to hang out with other moms. I mean, it just makes sense.
And most women are moms, even if their kids are grown, because being a mom never ends.
I identified with being a punk rocker, then an outlaw, and after that with being a Priestess.
There was never any urge to procreate whatsoever.
I have never had even one regret that I did not have at least one child.
I knew myself and what was best for me in this lifetime.
Understanding this truth early on though, was challenging as far as traditional thinking went. I told a OB/GYN at 22 that I wanted a tubal ligation, and this male doctor just looked at me and then in an absolutely condescending tone, told me that I would change my mind when I met the right guy, so they wouldn't perform the procedure until I was much older.
Excuse me? I know what the fuck I want and you need to get over your prehistoric attitude about women and tie my tubes, doctor.
You could say that I was selfish, and that would be fair to a degree, because it wasn't just about me though either. There was always this feeling of not wanting to bring any new life into this world. I honored that. I had no problem with that and when I thought about it, I felt like I was doing a service by not having a kid, adding to the population.
And I really wanted to break my dysfunctional family line, which I am proud of actually.
I think for some of us, it is about exploring other facets of life and the focus on family has never been anything I could relate with. It was barely there growing up and went away completely once I was a young adult. There was no tight-knit bond with anyone besides my mom and maybe one of my aunts. It was just not like anyone else I knew.
Yet, I did feel that my cats were my babies. I feel very maternal around animals, but not humans. I feel nurturing around some humans, like my students and friends, but the maternal vibe is very different.
Being self aware is so important.
At 59, I feel so content with all that life has gifted me, and I do not feel like I have missed out on anything, whether that was a real marriage (lol), children, or traveling all over the world.
I consider myself so fortunate to have so few regrets and to have lived my life on my own terms - for the most part. See my blog on free will.... 😂
Life has taught me to embrace all my feelings and honor what feels right for me.
I totally honor and respect all moms.
I thank them for doing what I was not meant to do, even though I am a woman.
I celebrate myself for being as I am, and doing it fabulously.
What do you think?
Any other women who are more than happy with their decision to not have kids?