At 59, I am not really that old, but I can also honestly say that never in a billion years did I think I would live this long. However, by any young persons standards, I am indeed pretty damn old and my younger self would totally agree.
So an internal compromise is struck that the body is getting older and the true Self is timeless and eternal. I can live with that.
Most people plan for their old age, which now makes sense to me, but never did before, so I am completely unprepared for any of this. I think I like it this way. My best friend keeps telling me to have an adventure, and I can only laugh; what part of this is not an adventure?
I have never been one to try and change what is going on with the body, besides tats and piercings I mean, and aging has been no different, even as I have had to face my own issues with it happening in front of my near-sighted brown eyes. It's so gradual though, oh so very sneaky and then one day, BOOM! There is this comical feeling that it can't happen to me, especially if it did take a little time to show up, but eventually, there is no way to deny what is going on.
Although you also really do begin to realize that this getting older thing is not at all guaranteed for anyone, so there is a deep-seated feeling of gratitude for the privilege of life that I did not quite have before. Because I did not expect to still be breathing and laughing in 2022, back in 1982, or 1992, or even 2012.
Part of our evolution as human beings is developing a deep and abiding acceptance about everything. A big part of that is personal, and as we age things about the body must change, and we can be gracious about it or resist the fuck out of it. That's free will.
Unhappiness resists. Fear resists. Bitterness resists.
Instead, we can be interested in these changes in the spirit of gratitude for our extended days on this Earth. Why would I want to change what is happening to my face? My body? I was already young, now this phase of life is its own and there is a feeling to move on from the priorities of the past. including the obsessive scrutiny of the body.
Appreciation for these changes can be challenging at times, of course. On one hand, who doesn't want to be young and gorgeous forever? But there is an inner beauty that comes with wisdom and age that you simply could not possess before.
Being happy makes its own beautiful mark on us, as that is reflected outward from within us.
The experiences we have had now assist us in navigating the world with more ease.
I have also had to come to terms with things "making sense," or not making sense, because in my usual POV, everything needed to make some kind of sense to me. So there was resistance to anything that did not make sense to me, which created a lot of unnecessary frustration and anger. This is another part of the acceptance of life that I have had to really work on and it is an ongoing attitude that I am still overcoming.
It isn't always easy, but I am managing to (mostly) chuck this faulty concept to the wind as it arises, because we are living in a world where anything is possible and it does not have to make any sense at all. Even writing this challenges my inner status quo. Good.
What I do have going for me (lol) is that what I do possess in spades is a child's enthusiasm, a playful energy and spirit that transcend age. I can still be filled with wonder and amazement and instead of getting more jaded or cynical in my older age, nonduality has freed me to continue to exude passionate and joyous energy about the things that inspire me, the Aliveness of Everything fills me with an unfathomable love that makes everything beautiful. Consciousness is Everything!
This energy I have is still mostly attracted to younger people and their energy. Most people can't believe I am 59 because I have not aged in the way that most people do, by simply getting blasé about life or simply getting old in how they view things and respond.
I do not try to hang out with younger people, it simple happens, but at the same time, I cannot really develop deep relationships with them because we are definitely at different life stages and at some point, this will become glaringly obvious.
I also find it challenging to relate with people my age, with their children and grandchildren, and the normal (and perfectly fine!) emphasis on family. It just doesn't resonate with me and I can feel like a fish out of water at times. Yet, I am what I am and love who I am and of course still want other people to like me too. It's human nature, but I am more of a loner than not, nevertheless and very content with this.
The society we have created however, definitely does not have the same attitude and reverence for aging as a lot of our ancestors cultures did. To be old nowadays is like you are a throwaway person, who doesn't really matter anymore. Invisible.
Unless you are an American politician of course. Why this is so is utterly baffling to me.
Anyway, one has to develop this reverence for themselves, towards themselves, because what life you have left deserves your interested and willing participation. You cannot wait to receive this response to your life from anyone else if you are not experiencing it already.
I think this is actually a wonderful blessing because it is inviting us to come inside. Encouraging us to open our hearts and live in a harmonious and loving manner - towards ourselves. If we have gotten to this phase in our life, and we do not already have love for ourselves flowing,
Life is offering us the opportunity to make that change before we leave this world.
So if you haven't already, please inquire within, and enjoy your life at every age and phase, no matter what an ignorant society says you should (or shouldn't!) be doing.
It is all such a precious gift that keeps giving if you stay present and aware of all the absolute awesomeness in your life, especially since we are older and can appreciate being alive.
I don't know what "old" is or looks like, so you can disapprove of my ripped up jeans and Gojira t-shirts as something I should definitely not still be wearing at my age, but I can and will continue to do as I please until the day I die.